Burnout Doesn't Mean You're Doing Too Much
It means you're focused on the wrong things. Here's how to really overcome burnout.
Burnout is a hot internet topic these days. Mainly because so many of us feel overworked, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and overstressed in a world that generally feels unstable.
Here’s a controversial opinion:
Burnout doesn’t mean you’re doing too much.
We live in a world with massive expectations, but we rarely think of it in this way.
When I think of expectations, I think of how women search their whole lives to find their prince charming, the unrealistic expectation set by the Disney movies we pined over as children.
But these unrealistic expectations penetrate the fabric of our everyday lives.
Let’s go through a list:
Expectation: Wake up at 6am and never hit the snooze button, jump out of bed to the sun shining and birds chirping, feeling refreshed and ready to take on a new day.
Reality: We stayed up too late scrolling instagram or binging a new show, we wake up groggy and exhausted and already beating ourselves up before our feet even hit the floor.
Expectation: We get into the college of our dreams and imagine graduating and getting a well-paying job, starting our 401k, and never having financial struggles.
Reality: We hated the college, ended up with $100k in debt, struggled to find a job, and settled for any job we could get just to start paying our bills.
Expectation: Find a great job, work up the corporate ladder, retire at age 60 and move to an island sipping margaritas — with a healthy relationship with alcohol — for the rest of your life.
Reality: You get a job, then a global pandemic hits, the economy shudders, your job lays you off and its time to start anew.
The challenge with having these high expectations is that when reality hits, we feel like there’s something wrong with us. That we’re the ones who failed and need to make changes or suffer the consequences.
The reality is that we’re not the ones controlling the economy, the state of global health, or any of the expectations set upon us. We’re simply forced to abide by these “rules” and show up to them whether we like it or not!
Here’s a list of other societal expectations tarnishing our daily existence:
Have a perfect credit score
Never eat a carb
Buy a house before age 30
Smile every single day
Save 10% of your paycheck every week
Make a lot of money
Buy the designer clothes
Show up every single day posting on social media
Marry a man who buys you flowers every week
Have a bikini body year-round
Be able to drink “moderately” and stop after 1-2 drinks
If you’re like many, you’re constantly trying to keep up with these expectations feeling like you’re falling short all of the time. Like whack-a-mole trying to make it all happen and crumbling under the pressure.
I feel this is especially relevant for the millennial generation — those of us caught between the possibilities of the “baby boomers” and trapped in the reality of what the world is like today.
If you’re like me, you’ve rebelled against these expectations and what some consider to be the norm. I’ll spare you of the trauma behind all of that, but point out this:
If you’re resenting the game but still showing up on the field, this might be contributing to why you feel sucked dry of motivation, inspiration, and happiness.
You’re not burnt-out because you’re working too hard, you’re just focused on meeting the expectations and not focused on living what you really want.
A spark lit by a ChatGPT prompt.
Like many of us in this dystopian era, I was consulting with my girl ChatGPT the other day and felt inspired by something it suggested to me: My burnout doesn’t come from overworking, it comes from not feeling aligned to what I am focused on or am feeling “pressured” to do.
Hm. Interesting.
Most of the people we *think* have it all together have things going on that we’re not aware of. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side.
The girl with the perfect body has battled an eating disorder since she was a teen. The guy with the perfect job and who makes lots of money has a gambling problem. The woman with the husband who brings flowers home every week is verbally abusive. The influencer posting on social media everyday has crippling anxiety.
I’ll point special attention to the expectation that we should ‘all’ be able to drink moderately, or “like a lady”. Alcohol is a toxin. An addictive one at that! The expectation that we should all be able to drink normally is a fallacy. I suggest rewriting this story for yourself so that you can see alcohol for what it really is: A crutch for coping with insanely unrealistic expectations.
So, I leave you with this: Ask yourself today what you’re doing that feels truly misaligned with who you are and who you want to be. Where are you forcing yourself to show up that it feels like its sucking the life out of you (even if its what you’re “supposed to be doing”).
And what ways are you coping with these expectations that you wish to change? Maybe it’s drinking too much alcohol, binging TV, scrolling too much, or looking for validation in the wrong places.
Take one single step today to do differently. Maybe you say “no” to something you feel obligated to do (but really don’t want to). Maybe you talk it out with a friend or loved one. Or maybe you simply choose a new tool to cope today — like a meditation, touching grass, or booking an appointment with a therapist.
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Share with me your “ah has” and how you are going to do different today to overcome expectations.
Sending you love, and permission to do less.
Xo, Dr. Brooke